Monday, July 26, 2004

September 18th - Furchtet Euch Furchtet Euch Nicht

yes well everyone congratulate me on once again some how fucking everything up.......yep yep......no i cant leave well enough alone, but then again neither can Tim, he has to keep on he cant just be happy.....yes well we argued for so long.....and it ended with him basically saying he's lost all respect and trust for me and that hes not happy and that im not happy and that he has more respect for my worst enemy that he does for me, then i start combing my hair adn i was pulling out knots and i kept saying ouch and when he asked me if i was cutting i couldnt say no tim im not, i had to be a smart ass and go " no of course not thats silly" so he told me to call him back when i got my shit figured out, of course it was like 2 am so that pretty out of the question.....
but it just hurt so much, i didnt care about being a smart ass......i hate that girl so much and like i was sitting there talking shit about myself and he never stopped me, and i was sitting there talking shit about blair barbie and he laughed but the moment i mentioned Rebekkah he told me to stop all i said was that she was fat and ugly and had bushy red hair that made her look like a little pumpkin and he told me to stop and that i shouldnt say stuff like that and that saying that didnt help my respect situation....WTF???!!!!????!!!! SHES SOME 15 year old PORKER UGH!!!!!! I HATE HER!!! I WANT HER TO DIE!!!!! and when i said something to him about how much it hurt for himto sya that he was like " come one is it really her fault??" AHHHHHHH i wish i had been cutting i'd probably feel alot better...............gosh i just wanna die sometimes, i mean it just seems like such a better alternative....i do all this stuff for tim, i mean all i want is him to be happy and i get nothing absolutely nothing...NOTTA....ZIP......i cant stand it UGH!!!! i havent cried as much as i have tonight since the first time me and tim broke up, in which time i cried for 3 days straight.....chelseas my witness to that........i just dont know what to do anymore......i wish tim would have called back..... its like 3 am and im sitting here all alone...depressed and crying and kims at labelles house and i cant wake my mom up..... i have no one to talk to........i just feel so lonely.......... \(^_^)/~~~


The Queen of Wonderland died at 11:49 PM

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THE QUEEN HAS SPOKEN
I AM THE QUEEN AND WHAT I SAY GOES! OBEY ME!! OBEY THE FIST!!! OBEY THE CUTE LITTLE FIST!!!!!
What's with my procrastination? and all this social isolation? It's happening again, this darkness is seeping in. Loneliness consumes me still, It's holding me against my will. I can't break free, it is no use. Can't stop Unintended self abuse. Abolish me, break my heart, tear my soul. Abolish me in this beautiful nowhere, just wanna die in your arms tonight. Make my dreams come true, so i have a reason to wake.
Favorite Band: The Birthday Massacre
Favorite Quote:I'm trying to eat, could you please stop pooping - Devi
Best Friends: I'm now accepting applications
Sex: was very good
Pets:Auryn my snake, Oz the cat, and Freckles aka Mr. Eff the cocker Spaniel
Located: Wonderland
Mood: forever in a state of Insanity

Loves: Chibi, Alice in wonderland,Jhonen Vasquez (he is God) and everything hes ever done, edward scissorhands, HP, LOTR, The Birthday Massacre, reading, drawing, writing,and talking on the phone, and killing people who make me sad with large rusty hooks....oh wait i probably shouldnt have said that one....
Hates: people who ditch their best friend of three years for no reason. stupid whores, and stupid guys who cheat on their caring loving girl friends, and stupid guys who cheat on their caring loving girlfriends with stupid whores in portapotties, cows....moo..., people who think their too good to hang out with people at school who they hang out with out of school, posers, lies, people, dogs ( oh wait mostly the same thing), and people who use others lying to get their way.
About the Piggy's and the Squirrels: Squirrels stole my acorns and chase me down the road. I misses my piggy....WHY MY PIGGY I LUVEDED YOU PIGGY I LUVEDED YOUU!!!!
About the Cupcake:What is better than a mini cake? really? im serious??? ANSWER ME!!!
About the Tuna: Tuna goooodddd......it comes in a can....mmmm....tuna..
THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE