Thats from the whistle song Tim used to always listen to. Well it finally happened Tim left me. gosh i never really thought it was going to happen but goddammit i was expecting it. I wanted so much for everything to be different. I pray so much that he'll see he made a mistake you have no idea how much i wish that. i just wish there is something i could do, but there isnt ive tried everything. and he cant be swayed. i just hope he realizes it on his own, cuz i dont know how long i can go on feeling like this. I wrote a poem almost 2 yrs ago the first time he left me and in mourning of i have revised it:

"Your Mistake" (revised)
The happiness I felt,
I could hardly comprehend.
And no matter what happens now,
I'll love you 'til the end.
It all happened so fast
It's all just a blur.
and I can't help but cry
when I think of how things were.
I know it will be the same as before,
my heart will break as I stare.
I'll have to watch you sit so near,
not noticing my stare.
'cause I know you'll forget all about me,
you've had another change of heart.
All my pieces you once completed
You have again ripped apart.
You gave me more hope and joy
than anyone could before.
But now my heart will bleed,
when you walk through the door.
As sad as I amI can't be mad,
'cause that was the best
time I've ever had.
You said that you were happy when I was around
But the loneliness you hate.
I felt as lonely but didn't drown,
I was willing to carry the weight.
Why couldn't you do the same?
Why was that something you could not do?
I don't know who to blame,
I guess I just wasn't important to you.
So did you mean anything
you used to say to me?
Were you lying everytime
that you said you loved me?
Was I really just your mistake?
Was I just a 12/ year ride?
Was I really just a vacation?
Did you just get caught in a tide?
Was I really just a spur of the moment?
Do you really regret what we had?
When you think of me, do you miss me?
Even just a tad?
I don't understand what happened,
I feel so confused.
I can hardly remember what your excuse was,
I feel so stupid,feel so used.
Now the loneliness is here full time,
with no happy thoughts to get me through.
Thinking of all the things you said and promised,
is all can seem to do.
What happened to the times
you promised you'd never leave?
The fact that I was stupid enough to believe you,
has got me really peeved.
We both know you hurt me before,
But you told me not to worry.
Against my better judgment I trusted you,
But you gave up in a hurry.
I feel so utterly useless,
I feel dropped and broke.
I have no idea what you're thinking.
Was this all just a joke?
Was I just a ball and chain to you?
Was this really all you thought we were?
Maybe that's how you see me,
But the way I see you does not concur.
Everything I see or hear,
Is reminding me of you.
Of things you used to say,
Of things you used to do.
I found that card you gave me,
I remember when you used your finger to write in my hand,
I can't watch my favorite movie,
or listen to my favorite band.
There are many things we had planned,
That I guess will never be.
No wedding day that couldnt be dampened
even by the longest rain.
No twin kittens, a boy named Ender
or even a girl called Violet Payne
You are my perfect medicine
and once again you refilled my cup.
But tonight you informed me,
that my prescription is all up.

its funny how even through everything we've been through history has repeated its self......why won't God let me be happy....


The Queen of Wonderland died at 1:13 AM

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