well yes so here i am... that title fits pretty well. i havent felt as crappy as do right now since like march.... i barely talked to Tim yesterday and when we did we argued, the night before that i went to bed all early, and today we talked for about five minutes cuz he has to help clean for Ethan's birthday party and then he has work, then the party so i wont talk to him until tomorrow. and god only knows what all is gonna go on tonight. i mean who knows what kinda ppl are gonna be there tonight. all i know is that they're gonna be older and do you know what ppl in their twenties do? well they tend to fuck anything that moves.... and there is going to be excessive drinking since it's Ethan's 21st bday. so needless to say i am worried about that too.Tim and Ethan said i could come tonight, but really come on why in the hell would i do that, i would be so out of place there. a bunch of people that are like 4 years older that me all drunk acting stupid as hell. i mean that doesnt even sound like fun. alcohol used to be cool in my mind, i used to go to peoples houses just to drink and smoke and fool around, but ive matured ive realized how completely idiotic and moronic it really is. especially if its with people you dont know. So why does Tim wanna do it? cause he lives there thats why - hmph hes changed alot since he moved there. i really honestly thought that him moving there would be a good thing, but sometimes i wish he still lived with his mom. im counting the next year and a half til we move cuz im dying here... Gosh i mean i know i probably sound possessive and i mean you're probably right but i mean hes kinda the only thing i got. i mean i have my friends but the only one i've even talked to since winter break started is Kim and she works now, i mean i just sit at home by my self all day long and it just gets so boring and lonely. i feel so depressed. i havent done anything but eat, sleep, watch mad tv, and play the sims 2 since sunday night. and it will go on until probably tomorrow night at the very least. I'm hoping to drag tim to the movies tomorrow or thursday but who knows if that will happen or not, and then this weekend i have to go to my dad's house, where ill not only be alone but ill be alone with my asshole dad who cares about his whore of a fiance more than me and my sibs and her bastard children. so yeh life is not very good...i wonder how long i can take it......


The Queen of Wonderland died at 1:07 AM

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